When Funny Is Not Funny…
Some years ago I was with a white friend who was marrying a black
African girl, it was great fun. They had an English / African wedding which was
full of dancing and laughter.
Later in conversation with the young man he asked, "Would you like
to see what the African Elders have given me as a wedding present?"
Of course I was interested; he showed me an ornate stick.
"What is it?" I asked. I could see it was a stick,
but I didn't know what you were supposed to do with it.
He laughed and said, "It’s presented to all young men who get
married. It is a stick to beat your wife with to keep her in order." Then
he laughed. I did not!
He then said, "I of course would not use it, I just think it’s
funny."
I replied, "Well, personally I don’t think it’s funny at all. I
cannot laugh at such a gift, such an action."
The problem with such an action is that it implies that in the culture,
in the thinking that, although he thought it a bit of fun, it actually
represents an attitude, a way of thinking, a cultural perspective that such an
action could well be right, acceptable, and permissible. I do not think
that it is any of those things. I think it is wrong thinking, wrong
culturally, wrong humour, and in fact just plain wrong. It should not be given
space.
More recently I listened to a conversation between a young couple. They
were discussing the fact that a young African child had been taken into the UK
care system.
The young man, a white African asked, "Why has that happened?"
"Well," was the response, "he has been badly abused, in
fact often beaten." The 2015 answer was, well that is normal,
surely. He is black, that is the culture! So, in that case it is not
wrong?
I like culture. I have lectured degree students on it, have conducted
courses with students as part of the Continual Professional development on the
subject, and I have written a book on the topic. I love different cultural
expressions, different food, fashion, greetings, ways of being, but sometimes
we have to identify when people use the cultural get out like, 'this is just a
cultural way that is different to yours.' Sorry, but your culture needs
to change, for that is morally wrong. Personally, in those situations,
your country of origin, your skin colour, your language group, your answers
such as ‘in my culture we beat our wives’ are unacceptable.
On the same theme, some years ago I got talking with a Pastor of a
particular ethnic group and we agreed to have coffee together. In the course of
conversation he said, "I am having such problems with the people in my
church, the husbands beat their wives too much." (By the way, maybe I need
to say that here; the skin colour of this particular ethnic group was not
black.)
Anyway I said, "I don’t understand. What do you mean, 'they
beat their wives too much'? Are you saying that it’s acceptable to beat them
some, but not too much?"
"Oh yes," he replied, "from where they come from it’s the
culture (there is that word again) for men to beat their wives, but the village
makes sure it is not too much. My fear here in the UK is they might kill their
wives."
I interrupted and said, "I’m sorry, but I think that beating
your wife is unacceptable full stop. Any beating!"
He got very angry with me and left, not even finishing his coffee.
"How could you be so naive and narrow minded, and not pay attention
to other peoples' culture?" he shouted over his shoulder as he walked out.
Frankly, I want to stay naïve and narrow minded, and I will do all in my
power to make sure laws, and whatever else it takes to change such wrong-minded
culture or otherwise thinking. It is not funny, it is wrong. Can I say
that any louder?
Adrian Hawkes
Edited by Kirsty de
Paor
W. 698
