The expectation of gratefulness and its difficulties
Watching a section
of the press and then the comments of others who have difficulties in
understanding the problem of thankfulness and an inability to emphasise and
walk in another's shoes lead me to write this piece.
Training
people to become foster carers one of the things that I always emphasise is the
fact that if you are expecting a foster child to be grateful, you are probably
going to be disappointed. I am sometimes
wrong, and some are incredibly grateful, but we should not expect it.
Why should a
child who has been taken away from birth parents be grateful? Instead, they
might see you as the enemy. Can you get
into this paradigm and understand just how they feel and see you?
I was
responsible for setting up housing in another part of the UK. Kindly offered to
a house by a group on a rental basis.
After a short time, offer withdrawn
as placing people there, they decided that these asylum seekers were just not grateful,
that recurring problem again.
Then there
are those making it to the UK which then put into the Asylum-seeking
group. Should they be grateful for
finding a safe place? Sometimes
discovering that place has itself been fraught with trauma by people who do not
believe you, express racist attitudes towards you or regard you as an economic
migrant. What do we mean by economic migrant? If you are starving and move
somewhere to earn a living, are you an economic migrant? Maybe you had better
die where you are.
Why should
my expectations as an asylum seeker be ever so grateful? Did I ask to be born in a country surrounded
by war, did I pre-request that I will be placed in a country where food is
short? Was I aware that despite my education, my degree there would be no work
for me to earn a living, support myself and even a family and children?
Connecting
with such people has been an enriching and educating experience. Listing many times to heart-rending stories
and very often thinking to myself, could I have gone through what you have gone
through and If I had wouldn't, I be simply crazy mad?
Of course,
many are suffering mental stress, post-traumatic stress disorder, acting in
ways that seem to those who have not had the experience ungrateful, demanding
unreasonable.
Then again,
we argue about the cost of getting to the UK without any understanding of the
shoes they walked in, and from whence they came. Several times in my
experience, I have run into such people.
One young lady I regularly gave a lift to places in my car, a stranger
in the UK, not demanding but looking for help.
One day I entered her home and was surprised to see pictures of her with
many of the World Leaders, shocked, I asked how come that is you. My Dad was the Prime Minister of so, and so
country came the casual reply.
Another time
with an asylum seeker who was surprised to find themselves in the UK, I asked
where did you think you were, the reply was Belgium, and I could not understand
the language here why are they not speaking French.
I asked
another what they wanted to do and was told they planned to be the Minster of
Health in the UK surprised at such ambition I wondered about the
background. Oh, my Father, who was
killed in front of me was the Finance minister of my country they replied. Why should we be surprised at their
expectations of maybe meals and the like?
I have
witnessed very bizarre reactions from such people, for which one should not be
surprised considering their history and journeys. Often with the increased pressure by a
suspicious bureaucracy and cynical people.
One of our
key workers pretended to by an asylum seeker, to try and understand the
process, unbeknown to me until after the event I hasten to add. Their report though was not encouraging, they
felt badly treated, and belittled and was glad that they were born a UK citizen
and did not have to face any more hostility.
I guess lots of us do not even want to try to empathise; we do not want
to walk in anyone else shoes perhaps we prefer our ivory palace and its
ignorance and who can blame you. I do not wish to risk my life on a rubber boat
across the busiest shipping lane in the world. I would need to be significantly
pushed to do that.
If you are
going to stay in your corner; please do not become an armchair critic of people
who are trying to survive, running away from persecution, war famine and just a
terrible life.
Words 808
www.adrianhawkes.blogspot.co.uk
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