Leadership 7
DIFFICULT PEOPLE
UCB 3 MIN SCRIPT
Let’s be honest there are difficult people around aren’t
there? And there are people who claim
to be followers of Jesus who think we need to be nice to everyone. The problem with being nice is that sometimes
nice means, in modern parlance, untruthful.
When we are untruthful we need to ask the question are we really helping
the other person?
Let me illustrate
where I am going with this; Have you noticed how people who tell you they are
Christians sometimes say, and usually very loudly and firmly, ‘you need to
accept me as I am because God says he
accepts me just as I am and He tells us to come to him just as we are, so you
should do the same’. And that is the
problem with sound bite truth. Of course what they are saying is true, but it’s not the whole truth or the whole story,
but we so love those sound bites don’t we?
The truth is that God loves us
and calls us to come to Him as we are, but then he also calls us to change.
This is made clear in scriptures like, ‘be transformed by the renewing or the
changing of your mind’ or ‘he plans to conform us to the image of His
son Jesus’. These scriptures give us the clear understanding that although God
accepts us as we are it isn’t part of His plan to leave us as He finds us.
Can I be honest? Thank
you. Sometimes when people say, ‘love me as I am,’ I’m thinking, (but of course
I don’t say it), you really are horrible and you need to change!’ Then there are people who say, ‘do you know I
never have these problems at work or at my book club I only have them when I am
here in the church community.’ And the
first thing that goes through my head is, ‘Uh oh, they are not telling the
truth’. Perhaps they think they are, but actually they are not.
For many years I have run a school, and sometimes I have a parent
sitting in front of me saying ‘do you know I never had this problem with my
child in their last school.’ What they don’t realise is that I have a file on the child from the last school
describing the behaviour issues and can also read the problems that the staff
at my school are experiencing; and I know my staff! Sometimes, of course, people don’t realise
what they are doing, at other times, let’s be totally clear, they are not being
honest; they are trying to circumvent their own problems.
That leads me to my next issue with people, that of their
problems. There are those who want to dump their problems on others, especially
if those on who they are dumping have assumed any form of leadership role. What happens is this, someone will share their
problem with you, and because you care you really put your mind
into it. After they have poured out their problems to you, they go home and
sleep soundly while you toss and turn and worry about their problem. It is not good to allow people to dump their
lives on you. We need to try and help people to find ways through difficult
passages in their lives, and be as helpful as possible, but ultimately it is
for them, to work out a resolution.
Scripture tells us that we are to work out our own salvation.
That, again, could be a sound bite but of course God is there working with
those who have problems, and, no doubt if you are caring leader you also will
be alongside them. But don’t allow people to make their lives your
responsibility. God wants us to grow up,
to be mature and work
with Him as we work through difficult periods in our life, and he
promises to turn them round and help us learn from them. Maturing us and changing our thinking.
Finally to help any of you listening who do lead, and go
through those terrible times when some person you have been trying to help
turns around and blames you for the problem that they have, even though the
problem was there before you even met them. Or they list the terrible problems
that they are having with you that sends you home feeling a complete and utter
failure and a really useless leader in fact a useless person. Here is my little formula which I hope might
help you.
Ask yourself, ‘do other people have this problem with me?’ If
the answer is yes then perhaps the critic is right and you do have a
problem. If the answer is no, and I have
to say it usually is no, then you need
to say to yourself, ‘well now as other people do not have this problem with me
then it is probably not my problem but
theirs.’
Then ask yourself, ‘in my observation of this person, do
they have a similar problem with other people that I know?’ if the answer is
yes, again it confirms what I have just said. It is not your problem it is
theirs. Often we end up beating
ourselves up when we should not do so simply because we haven’t thought through
the situation, we have just
reacted negatively to critisicm, and blamed ourselves for something that is not
our fault or our responsibility.
I hope today that I haven’t caused you to no longer want to
lead, or help those difficult or problematic people. God does love them; I just
don’t want you to live in condemnation. Happy
helping and be blessed.
Leadership Script for
UCB 3 MIN
Editor A. Brookes
W. 974
Adrian Hawkes
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